I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
