I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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