Rock
Scissors
Fuck
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
