just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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