What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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