There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
