you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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