last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
