if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
