whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
