I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
