idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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