I faked an abortion last night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
