u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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