Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
