I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
