I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
