we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
