We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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