So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
