where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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