I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize