I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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