my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
