All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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