i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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