dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
