What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
