I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
