Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
