i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
