I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
