she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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