woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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