she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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