I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
