I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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