it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
