I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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