Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I will be naked everywhere
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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