when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
