Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
