last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
