I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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