the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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