My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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