WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize