But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
