youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
