"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
