Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
