Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
