if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
