Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
