Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
