Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
