even my farts smell like vagina
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
