i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
tell me about the eggs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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