a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
