There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
