Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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