did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize