we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
