Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize