Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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