If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
