Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
