I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize